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One of
the reasons many breastfeeding mothers give up so soon is the lack of support.
Not having the support they need from family, friends, and even within our
society tends to make it very difficult for new moms. To have family members
criticize their decision for breastfeeding. Hearing them constantly state that
they are starving their baby. To hear them say over and over again how much
better formula is compared to breastfeeding can be a bit too much for some. And
how society treats a breastfeeding mother can leave a new mom feeling
embarrassed and "dirty" for simply providing the best for her child.
One
thing a new mother must keep in mind is that those who are so strongly against
breastfeeding either:
-
Do not have the correct information about it, thus not being able to
truly understand it's wonderful benefits. It is very hard to support
something if you do not understand it.
-
Have their own personal sexual issues that they are not dealing with.
Only someone who has personal sexual issues would think of a mother
naturally feeding her child as indecent.
Breastfeeding is one of the greatest gifts you can give to your child. It is not
wrong and it is not sexual. It is also not against the law. The Breastfeeding
Center has gathered information for new and experienced breastfeeding mothers
that will help them in not only gaining support, but keeping you abreast of
what
the laws have to say. It is also helpful that you learn how to be
comfortable with nursing in public if that is
your choice.
Dealing with Your Family
Unfortunately, many mothers end up having to deal with criticism about their
choice to breastfeed at one point or another. Criticism from strangers happens
occasionally, but tends to be easier to deal with since you're unlikely to see
those people again. Criticism from family members and others close to you can be
much harder to handle.
Sometimes the people close to you - particularly
your parents - feel that when you make parenting choices that are different from
their own, it is a personal attack on their own parenting choices. They
may truly feel that accepting your parenting choices is the same thing as
admitting that their own parenting choices were wrong. It may be
helpful to make it clear that your choices are not a judgment on their
parenting, but a result of having different information available that you are
using to make choices for your own unique child and family.
Always keep in mind that family members and close
friends who make negative comments about breastfeeding generally do so because
they care for you and your child, even if their comments are uninformed
or inappropriate.
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Techniques on Handling
Criticism
Educate
Many people simply aren't aware that there are
continuing benefits of breastfeeding for mother and child. They do not know that
there is a huge amount of research data that supports sustained breastfeeding--
particularly regarding the health benefits. State the scientific facts
about why breastfeeding is beneficial. Print off some written material and leave
it around your house --the bathroom is always a good place! Gently ask the
person who is criticizing you to read through it--not for the sake of argument,
but for the sake of considering what is beneficial for your child.
Respond to Specific
Concerns
Try to find out exactly why they feel
nursing is a problem - this way you can respond to specific concerns and correct
any misinformation. Do they think that there are no benefits to baby? Are they
worried what others will think? Have they read the research? Have they met other
families with children who were breastfed for an extended time?
Let them know how their
comments make you feel
It may be helpful to have a heart-to-heart talk
with someone who has too many negative things to say about breastfeeding. This
unsupportive person may need to hear you say how these comments hurt
you and your child (particularly if your child is older), and that you need them
to stop. Children often understand a lot more than you realize, and
negative comments and actions can be confusing and upsetting to them. Your words
may get through, or at least prevent this person from criticizing breastfeeding
in your or your child's presence.
Quote an authority
Some people who will not listen to you will listen
to a doctor or other professional. Say that your child's doctor recommends
continued nursing. If your doctor is firmly pro-breastfeeding, take the
unsupportive person with you to a doctor appointment so they can hear it for
themselves. The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that "breastfeeding
continue for at least 12 months, and thereafter for as long as mutually
desired." The World Health Organization recommends that babies be breastfed for
at least two years.
Here are links to
statements from authorities on the importance of breastfeeding.
Laugh it off
Some have found humor to be an effective way to
hush others. You might come back with something like, "Don't worry. I don't
think I'll have to room-in with her when she moves into the dorm at college!"
Avoid the issue
Another way to handle criticism is to do your best
to avoid the issue. If the subject of breastfeeding comes up, politely change
the subject. Try to go into a different room to nurse to avoid or minimize any
direct comments to your child.
Make the subject
completely off-bounds
Some parents (particularly when others are very
opposed to continued breastfeeding) find it most effective to refuse to argue or
discuss the matter at all. It's sometimes necessary to be nice but firm: "This
is my child and my parenting choice and I will not discuss it anymore." If they
DO bring the subject up, answer with the exact same phrase every time (for
example, "This is what works for our family") until they realize that the matter
is not up for discussion. If that doesn't work, then leave.
What if nothing is
working?
When you are willing to debate the matter, some
people will feel that they have a good chance of convincing you that you are
wrong--and thus will continue with their objections ad infinitum. Sometimes a
person is not really interested in hearing your reasons, but only wants to keep
"wearing you down" until you do things their way. If it's just an emotional
response that they are having, and they can't give any reasons for it (or keep
giving 'bad' reasons one after another as soon as you answer, without any
intention of stopping or listening to you), then you might be better off with
doing things like using humor, avoiding the issue or making the subject
off-bounds.
Express confidence in your decision while being as
diplomatic as possible (depending upon who you're talking to). Once they realize
that there is no chance of dissuading you, then they may give up the argument,
or at least tone it down. Repeat the same statement every time the issue comes
up. Eventually it will get through.
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